For You Punkin..............--...  / Mommy
Monday, August 20, 2007

Jacob,

I have had a really hard weekend. I have been so depressed. I had an emotional breakdown Sunday night. I had been fighting tears for days and finally I couldn’t fight them any longer. I cried and cried feeling like my heart was going to explode. The days seem so long with you being gone. I long to walk in the front door and see you sitting in PawPaw Harper’s lap rocking and watching cartoons. I long to see that sweet smile and your chubby little arms reaching for me when I walk in the door. I feel like I am just a walking zombie sometimes. Since loosing you I have come to realize that life is too short to regret what you could have done and didn’t.

I believe as long as you have a dream you have something to accomplish. My dream has always been to be a nurse. I want to make that dream a reality. Having you in my life and me doing everything that a nurse would do for you has given me the strength, courage, and motivation to achieve that dream.

I have a special need to help others. I have made the decision to go back to school to earn my degree as a Registered Nurse. My first class will begin tomorrow night at Gadsden State Community College. I know that it may take me awhile to get my degree but in my heart I know that being a nurse and helping others is where I have always needed to be. As written in your journal, I have always had that dream and God allowing me to have you for a little while has shown me that I can do it.

I am doing this for you, Punkin. I know that you will always be with me. When you see that I am tired, frustrated, depressed and feel like I just can't go anymore.....give me strength and encouragement. Show me a sign that you are right there beside me to help me achieve that dream.

I love you so much and miss you more than words can ever describe. I want to share the love, knowledge and special care that I learned from you with other special needs children. You are my “Special Angel”.


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May God Bless You  / Leslie (None)
WOW... I am so speachless. I don't want to say other then i am so sorry for your loss. May god bless you all.. please feel free to visit my site...

julius-stanglin.memory-of.com Close

Dear Trovia.  / Jennifer Cupps
Trovia, 

Its me Jennifer (from 4Main Trinity). I was getting ready for work tonight and not wanting to go very much and then I thought of the night I met you and how everytime I work I have the opportunity to meet someone and hear their story. However, I know none will ever touch me the ways Jacobs did, it reminds me why I go to work and take care of others. Its my small contribution to the world. Your and your family are constant in my prayers since that night. Anytime  I am feeling down I visit Jacobs page and the inspiration he gives is still breath taking to me. Zane (3yr) looks at the pictures of Jacob and tells me how cute he is. Jacobs smile in the pictures always puts a smile on Zanes face. When I feel so lost in rasing my own son I remember the kind words you spoke to me, how you a complete stranger told me I can make it through working and nursing school while still putting my son first. I know you and the family feel so blessed for your time with Jacob but please do not forget how lucky he felt for his time with all of you. He has the most amazing loving Mommy and sweet brothers who love him so much. All of your family that I read about and see in the pictures seem as wonderful as you and I know Jacob still smiles everyday knowing he is a part of your beautiful family! 

With great Christian love and prayer. 
Jenn~ Close

Tears for you Trovia.........  / Bernadette McTaggart (Angel Friend )
This is Bernadette,

I mean what I say, when I say I know your pain! I am in tears right now just reading your letter. Today...well, tonight Kevin will have been in Heaven for 18 months.
I have a picture of me and Kevin just like the one you have of Jacob anf your self. I know your pain hen your child can not respond to you.......
I am here for you and you are not alone! E-mail me and let me give you my home # so we can be there for each other.... I for you! We can share stories about our little boys, that meant so much to us!

Victoria and I have are busy raising money for "Children's" and when I see Jacob in this little car at the hospital, it make me want to do more!
Our boys will allways fly together!

Love, Bernadette, here for you allways
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Six Months in Heaven  / Mommy
Jacob,
Yesterday, August 8th, marked your six month "angelversary" in Heaven.  It is hard to believe it has been that long....it seems like yesterday to me.  I can remember every detail about your last trip to Children's Hospital.  It is as if I relive it over and over again.  I cannot erase the images of seeing you laying there in that hospital bed never to open your beautiful blue eyes again.  I wanted you to wake up and smile at me with that silly little smile, but that wasn't in God's plans.  I totally understand why the saying goes, "cherish what you have and count your blessings because you never know when it will be the last."  It is all so true.  I never imagined that Saturday morning, February 3rd at 4am would be the last time that I got to hear you babbling ninety to nothing and smiling at me with that cute little smile wanting so badly to get up and play as I gave you your breathing treatments.  I regret not getting you up and holding you that morning.  I was so tired because you didn't have a nurse and I let that stand in the way of me spoiling you a little more.  

Your last day on Earth......I wanted to hold onto you forever.



Beverly Stradford, a good friend and co-worker of mine gave me a charm yesterday in rememberance of you.  It is a guardian angel.  We put it on my tennis bracelet.....it is beautiful, just like you.

You're big brothers started back to school today.  It has been a very long summer without you.  They miss you so much.  Austin has days where he will talk about you alot but he gets tears in his eyes and runs off and plays.  Wesley misses you too, he just doesn't say anything.  I think he knows that I have a hard enough time dealing with you being gone and he doesn't want to add to my grief.  He is a very loving young man and misses you so much.

You're mawmaw and pawpaw Harper talk about you constantly.  They share your life story and the miracles God worked in your life.  They are so thankful to have gotten to take care of you the time they did.  They miss you so much.  Your pictures are all over their house.  I gave PawPaw my rocking chair that he always rocked you in.  He sits in it and just rocks sometimes.  You will always be in their hearts.

We love you and miss you so much.  
Mommy, Daddy, Austin & Wesley
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We Missed You  / Mommy
Jacob,
We went on vacation this past week to Panama City Beach.  It was hard being there without you.   I tried my best to enjoy myself and have fun with your daddy and brothers.  We went on a boat ride where we got to swim with the dolphins and snorkle for sand dollars....that was pretty cool!  Your daddy and Austin jumped in the water with a dolphin and it swam around in circles between them.  It was very pretty.  I bleached the sand dollars and have them drying for now. 

When we got to the condo last Sunday I opened a drawer and the family that had been there before us accidentally left some little boys clothes.  I took them out and lay them on top of the dresser.  Tuesday night, out of curiousity, I picked them up and flipped to a navy blue shirt that was in the middle of them and tears streamed down my face as I picked up the shirt..............it was the exact same shirt that you used to wear all the time that said "Spoiled Rotten".  

We left the condo yesterday morning around 10:00am and somewhere around Enterprise your daddy was flipping through stations on the radio and stopped on the song, "I can only imagine"......I couldn't help it but tears streamed down my face as I relived your "Celebration of Life" day all over again.  Your daddy said, "you were okay until you saw that shirt, huh?.........he's just letting you know he is with you".  I cried even harder.

We had a pretty good vacation. It has been almost five years since we have been on one.  It was very relaxing but it would have been wonderful to have you with us.  I wrote your name in the sand and thought about you constantly wondering how you would have reacted to the waves and the sand.  I smiled as I watched little kids running around in the waves thinking about what a wonderful time you are having running and playing in Heaven.  I can't help but be selfish sometimes.  I want to kiss your little face and hug you so badly but I would not wish the pain you went through here on Earth on you for anything in the world.  I am happy for you to be free and able to run and play.

I love you, Jacob.  My life will never be the same without you. Close

Austin's tears...  / Mommy
This afternoon Austin and I came to your grave to put one of my beautiful angels on your grave and clean off the older flowers.  He was so helpful by helping me clean your headstone and the mirror that sits underneath the special crystal from Pawpaw & Mawmaw Harper.  

We started to leave and Austin asked if he could put something on your grave.  It was a picture of race cars that he had drawn.  He loves to draw cars and you as an angel.  He misses you so much, Jacob.  

I told him to place the drawing underneath the centerpiece that lay on your grave.  As we started to leave I told you that I loved you as I always do and Austin turns and says, "bye Jacob, I love you" as we turn to walk to the car he is wiping tears....it broke my heart.  We both sat in the car crying and talking about what a great baby brother you were and I told Austin what a great big brother he was to you as well.   

As we rode home he talked about how much he liked to make you laugh and how funny you thought he was.  He told me with tears running down his face, "I will get to play with Jacob again in a few years when I die and go to Heaven."  I didn't know what to say other than I wanted him to stay with me as long as possibly but only God knows when we will die.

Austin talks about how lucky we were to have you with us for 2 1/2 years.  He understands how blessed we were because he knows of other babies who didn't live long and hears stories of babies who die very young.  He told me that he is making friends with the little kids in daycare so he can help take care of them when they are on the playground.  He says he knows how to make them laugh because he learned alot with you.

Jacob, Austin loves you so much and he cannot wait until the day he gets to see you again.   Even though he is 8yrs old, he is very intelligent and mature for his age.  He has faced alot in the past four years.  I agree with him.  I look forward to the day that I see you again.

We love you, Punkin. Close

Heartfelt Thoughts  / Misty Hogan (friend of Lisa Kissic )
I don't know your family personally but I have seen Jacob's name on Dylan's list of angel friends and include their families daily in our family prayer time.  I can't express to you my sympathy for your family.  Jacob is a beautiful little boy - I know that he and Dylan are having a great time in heaven - playing and running all the things they could not do here.  May God Bless and Keep your family today and until the day your entire family is reunited with Jacob on the sweet sweet day!  Your family is in our prayers.  Close

Maggie's Special Birthday Gift  / Mommy


Maggie has a tradition each year of donating her birthday gifts to benefit other children.  This year she chose to have her birthday guests bring books to donate to Children's Hospital in loving memory of Jacob and in honor of her friend Pierson.



The girls attached the above label to each book.  Maggie collected over sixty books to donate to Children's Hospital.  Isn't that great!  Maggie, you are a sweetheart for loving Jacob so much (even though you had never met him) and wanting to do something to help the sick children that are in the hospital.  You will never truly know how thankful these children really are for your act of kindness.  You need to take some time to spend at the Harbor and watch all the children come into the library and pick out books to read and get so excited about new books being on the shelves.  Alot of children spend the majority of their life in the hospital and your donation make these children's lives a little bit easier.

Thank you Maggie and to all of your friends who helped collect the books for Children's Hospital in loving memory of Jacob.  You all will always have a special place in my heart.  

I can see Jacob smiling down on you and clapping his little chubby hands together in excitement saying, "Yeah, Maggie".  Close

Just wanted to write you a little note......  / Mommy
Jacob,

I have felt your presence with me the last few days.  I know that you are with me and wanting me to be happy.   Punkin, it is so hard to go home everyday and see your pictures, your toys, your rocking horse that pawpaw Harper made you and not cry.  I miss you so much.  I feel so alone at times.  I will go into you room and just stand looking in your closet at your clothes that still hang there or I will open up your toy drawer and pick up your glow worm that you always took everywhere and hold it to my face hoping to smell you.  

I made a locket that is glass and holds a curl of your hair.  The only haircut you received was the day you had your stroke and the nurse was so nice to give me your curls that they had to cut off to put the shunts in your head.  I also made mawmaw and pawpaw Harper one too.  They wear it everyday close to their heart just like mine.  A part of you is with us daily.

Austin talks about you all the time and misses you so, so much.  He draws pictures of you as an angel.  I have alot of them hanging on my refrigerator.  He loves you and it breaks his heart that he didn't get the chance to be a big brother to you that could have taught you how to play ball, swim or ride gocarts.  He so looked forward to being the best big brother to you.  He loves you so much

Thank you for coming to see PawPaw Harper in his dreams a little while ago.  He was so overwhelmed with emotion.  He felt your peace and your joy.  He cried and cried tears of joy for you.  He said you had the biggest smile on your face and the light around you was so beautiful.

You are our blessing, Jacob, and we look forward to being able to see you again.  We miss you so, so much.  I love you, Punkin!
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Thank you for guiding us...  / Jason Otis (Friend)
Michelle and I had the great honor of getting to know Jacob and his mom while at Childrens. Both Jacob and Trovia quickly became beacons of light for us. Even through all the challenges they faced - all while we faced issues with our daughter - they always seemed to be safe on the shore. They were/are like a lighthouse for us - emotionally and spiritually guiding us through a time of darkness and uncertainty. You cannot thank someone for that kind of outreach, that kind of love. But we can learn from it and do our best to share it with others. And I think each time we do, we'll always be reminded of just how much impact little Jacob had on us. Trovia, you are a blessing to us - thank you. Close

MIssing my lil buddy!  / Amanda Keener (family friend/fav RN :-) )
Trovia,
You were on my mind today! I was getting ready for my grandfathers decoration this weekend and I was thinking about Jacob! I miss him dearly. Thank you for enriching my life by being able to get to know him and your beautiful family. I miss all of ya! Hugs and my love to all. 

Amanda Close

BEAUTIFUL PRECIOUS BOY  / Lisa Kissic (Friend of Trovia )
God bless you  (Jacob) and your wonderful family.  Trovia, you will never know how much of an inspiration you are to me.  Jacob, you fought so hard and now you have the best prize of all.  You and Dylan play your hearts out in heaven. Close

Sending my sympathy  / Allison Harris (Passerby)

I know that Jacob sits at the foot of the father and knows no more pain or constraints.  He can truly dance and run with all of the other special angels now.  I can't imagine how you ache for your miracle, but he could be in no better hands.  Sending my thoughts, love, prayers and sympathies for your family and thanking you for sharing such a precious gift with everyone.  RIP sweet angel baby.

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HAPPY... / IRENE MOM TO ANGEL KAYLA XAVIER (ANGEL)

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY FROM HEAVEN TO A SPECIAL MOMMY...LOVE ALWAYS...

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Littleman / Joyce Chitwood (great-aunt)
jacob was a very special little boy that changed my life so much,he brought me so much closer to god than i have ever been,made me love more. anyone that ever seen jacob knows he always had that big smile for you,so sweet. we will miss him but his memory will always be with me. trovia we love you . love joyce Close

Jacob: my little cousin,my heroe,my inspiration,and a miracle.  / Hannah Chitwood (Cousin)

Igot to write a paper for my english class and it could be about anything,so i wrote it about jacob. here it is:

  I'm not the kind of person to believe in miracles, that is until jacob was born.Jacob was my little cousin, 3rd to be exact, but if your like me you dont really care about the number.Jacob was born with many things wrong with him, i dont think I could name it all, but they told us he wouldn't live over night...I remember i stayed up all night crying, but he lived,oh! he lived! He lived for an amazin 2years 8months.There wasn't a day when I didn't wonder where he was or what he was doing, for some reason god told me to take interest in 
this little man,and i know why, it was because
he gave me motivation to go on every day, he
gave me this feeling I had only a few times, it
was like a light.When Jacob started to get really
bad sick again, i got my school involved. My
friends and I raised all together $350 dollars for
him in all.I remember taking the money to Trovia
it was the one of the greatest feelings i've ever
had, but little did i know that was the last time i 
would see lil'jacob.The day jacob died i stayed
out of school and greived. After he died, I felt
like i had lost control of my life,but after goin
back to church and thinkin it through i know hes
in a better place, and that makes me so happy.
I still talk and sing to jacob every day, it helps
me know hes happy. I've learned alot from
jacob,and his family,esp. his parents trovia and
gary,and his brothers, Wesley and Austin. I
thank god for letting me know an angel like jacob
and i know he still looks down on us today.

Hannah Chitwood:6th grade plainview high school

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God bless your precious Angel....  / LuAnn ((Johnna's Gramma) )

Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers...
www.johnna-rusk.memory-of.com

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A special package  / Liz Hayes Mum Of Raymond
When God looked down from Heaven he was looking far and wide. He needed special parents for this baby by his side. They needed to be patient understanding full of love. Then he spotted you and without a doubt he knew you had enough. So he sent this special package express delivery straight to you. You were the only ones to do it-you would know that very soon. The time was short he couldnt stay it really wasnt fair. But the time will come at the pearly gates at the top of the golden stairs. xx  Close

What a cute little boy  / Danelle Thovson (Passer By )
How geat it was to have him present in your life for that long-when doctors that he would not survive. The professional pictures of him are so cute and what great memories yoou shared with him.

Just wanted you to know how sorry I am about your loss. I have a 8 month daughter so I can NEVER imagine the pain you must feel. Close